I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have fence marks all over my body
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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