i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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