I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
