i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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