Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
