Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
