I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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