wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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