You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
