And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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