If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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