is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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