you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
