he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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