I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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