K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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