He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
