It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
