I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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