He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
