The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Green mimosas i think yes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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