We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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