...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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