i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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