if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
