I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
