First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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