mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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