States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
