Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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