I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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