no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
