tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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