The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
