I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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