Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
