I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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