my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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