i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
