He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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