also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
