this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
