I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
