I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
