my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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