Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pooping to opera.
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