Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
