hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
