i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
