Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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