so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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