I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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