You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
