Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
