he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We smell like vodka and hangover
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