u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think your dad took our porno
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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