Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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