and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
