i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
