Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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