You made me cry and you don't even care
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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