I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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