i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
