so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's the barista slut.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
