fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
