Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
