finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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